hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
