last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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