dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
