if you like me you must not know who I am
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
