what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
