i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My penis needs a shock collar
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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