We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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