My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
