he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
