guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
