I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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