I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
