one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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