dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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