i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
