I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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