he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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