she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize