Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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