Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
