I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
