Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
