i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
