He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
