When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
