Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
