I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
