im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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