i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
