that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
