so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
