Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's never too late to be topless.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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