Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
babies were throwing up all over the place
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
