I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
