C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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