i already hear my dad disowning me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
