i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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