I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
