We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
