She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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