YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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