im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
