Duck Duck Cougar?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
