i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
