i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
