i just had sex bonerless
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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