Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
