Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
