No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i wish my penis had a tongue
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
