and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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