if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
