Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
