I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
