Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
