why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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