Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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