I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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