he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
