I smell stomach acid.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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