i don't like sucking hair
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
