you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
