as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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