I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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