i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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