umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
