My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize