He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
