I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
