Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She told me I should be a condom model.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
