Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
