just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize